Season Five
Episode Ninety-Seven: “But Not as Cute as Pushkin”
Original Airdate: November 30, 2004
Rory hosts a girl from her prep school whose only interest in New Haven is the Yale male. Meanwhile, Lorelai discovers why Luke disappears every November 30th and Paris speed-dates . . . with rapid results.
I have to say this is one of my favorite episodes. There are so many funny moments with Rory dealing with a high school student coming to stay with her at Yale. Like when Marty asks if Paris moved when she was sitting right there, Logan interrupting Rory’s class and she calls him a buttface miscreant, then her coming home to find Paris and Doyle had slept together and Doyle was in Paris’s robe. OH, and the best scene when Richard plays a trick on Logan! There’s just so much to this episode and it’s all funny and great.
[Knock on the door. Marty enters with a bag of food.]
MARTY: Okay, I actually snagged us some caviar. They were all out of toast points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result. [seeing Anna] Hey.
RORY: This is Anna.
MARTY: [gasps] Did Paris move?
PARIS: I’m right here, Marty.
MARTY: I know, Paris.
I will say there is one thing I don’t like about this episode is Luke yelling at the old lady because she needs him to move his boat out of her garage. Like, I know he has a temper, but sometimes, his rage is seriously out of control. At least he apologizes–or says he will–but still. She’s a little old lady for Pete’s sake.
I also love the “I Love Lucy” reference.
SOOKIE: Jackson’s got some trees at home.
LORELAI: Think I could borrow them?
SOOKIE: Sure. We’ll just wait ’til he lies down for his nap and sneak ’em right out of there.
LORELAI: Great! Then, I’ll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark to sign my grapefruit.
Funny Quotes:
TERRANCE: Look at your dream log. You are months behind. And your pretty-thoughts journal.
PARIS: Ok, fine. I have neglected thinking pretty, but I hardly think I should be penalized for time lost while you were in court ordered rehab.
RORY: [picking up a note by the phone] Hey, Paris? What’s this?
TERRANCE: I had a back problem. The prescription was at home in my Filofax.
RORY: This is a message from Headmaster Charleston. When did Headmaster Charleston call?
PARIS: Earlier.
RORY: And you didn’t tell me?
PARIS: I’m in session.
RORY: [on phone] Hello, Headmaster Charleston? This is Rory Gilmore. I’m sorry it took so long to call you back. I just got your message.
TERRANCE: [to Rory] Sweetie, that was a little passive-aggressive. We should talk later.
RORY: I’m trying to make her feel welcome.
PARIS: Oh she’ll feel welcome. They all feel welcome.
RORY: Whose they?
PARIS: The enemy.
RORY: What enemy?
PARIS: Any girl under the age of 17 is the enemy.
RORY: Ok, I’m opening a window now. [walks to the window]
PARIS: They’re coming for everything. They’re going to take our jobs, our thunder, our starter husbands.
RORY: Don’t you have a class to get to? [opens the window]
PARIS: They’re coming, Rory. They’re coming and they’re going to keep on coming like the locusts descending on Mankato. We’ll be beating them off for the rest of our lives.
RORY: Please don’t be here when she arrives. I don’t want you to scare her off.
PARIS: Me scare her off? Please, she’s the one with the alabaster skin and perky breasts.
LORELAI: [ Kirk appears in front of her.] You know what, I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I’ll call you later.
RORY: Ok, say ‘Hi’ to Kirk for me.
RORY: I have no words.
LOGAN: It was just a joke.
RORY: Oh no, wait. I found some. Jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat boy, lowlife, buttface miscreant.
LOGAN: Buttface miscreant?
RORY: Why would you do something like that?
LOGAN: I’m sorry, buttface miscreant?
RORY: Here I am, trying to show Anna what college life is really like.
LOGAN: That is what college life is really like.
ANNA [Giddy]: I love sleeping with the TV on, and I love having no parents around, and I love cappuccino, and I love apple muffins, and I love college!
[Paris comes out of her room, dressed to go out.]
PARIS: What’s she on?
RORY: Four cappuccinos and three Red Bulls from the fridge.
PARIS: Enjoy your night. How do I look?
RORY: Where are you going?
PARIS: I’m putting myself out there, Rory.
RORY: Now?
PARIS: Yes now.
RORY: Its eleven o’ clock at night. Who are you hoping to hook up with now? Spike and Drusilla?
PARIS: Just tell me if my lipstick looks too whore-ish.
RORY: Nope, just whore-ish enough.
ANNA: [excited] Going out at eleven o’ clock at night! I love college!
PARIS: I may suffocate her when I get back.
RORY: If you can catch her.
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