Episode Eighty-One: “The Reigning Lorelai”
Original Airdate: March 2, 2004
Lorelai goes underwear shopping. For a dead person. She’s in charge of funeral arrangements for recently deceased Gran, now that Emily has found Gran’s decades-old letter telling Richard not to marry her.
Could it be? Is there trouble in paradise for Nicole and Luke? Finally! Buh-bye Nicole. Don’t let that door hit you on the way out. I know that’s rude of me, but those two were so mismatched I don’t really even know why her character was brought into the show. Aside from the drama of Luke meeting her parents and then the marriage/divorce/dating thing and the drama of them fighting and breaking up, that was about the extent of her being around. For nothing but drama. Anyway, don’t care, she’s gone (or will be soon) so moving on . . .
It’s sad to see Richard so upset in this episode, (in fact the moment he tells Lorelai he needs a spoon for his soup almost makes me want to cry) however, if you think Luke drunk is funny, wait until you see Emily drunk . . .
Considering how Lorelai the first always treated Emily with such disdain, I’m shocked that she would be so surprised by the letter she found. It’s still awful. I do love how Lorelai and Emily bond over the funeral preparations. I always love it when they have moments together as though they are close.
This seriously is a must-watch episode if you want tons of wit and one liners that will make you smile and laugh, and yet, give you a little tug to the heart strings too.
So what did you think of this episode?
LANE: Kirk, I’m so sorry, we accidentally made the eggs in the fish pan. Here’s new eggs.
KIRK: I don’t know why everybody in this town always thinks I’m crazy.
[Lorelai walks in the door.]
LORELAI: I need something with cheese!
KIRK: Lorelai, smell my eggs.
LORELAI: Not today, Kirk. Hey, where’s Luke? I want him to make that breakfast quesadilla thing he made yesterday.
LANE: Luke’s not here.
LORELAI: Where is he? He knows the exact right jack-to-cheddar ratio.
EMILY: I’m preparing for the funeral.
LORELAI: Stashing bar glasses is preparing for the funeral?
EMILY: Those bar glasses are supposed to stay in the family. They go to us, then to you. However, every time a certain relative of your father’s comes to visit, things tend to disappear.
LORELAI: Dad’s got a Winona in the family? How cool. Who is it?
EMILY: His cousin Marilyn. She has been systematically pilfering those bar glasses for the last five years.
EMILY: Plus, I saw her eyeing the candlesticks last Easter, and I’ll be damned if I let her get them. So much to do. [ Sighs ] Did I tell you about the burial-slash-cremation clause?
LORELAI: Now you’re just making stuff up.
EMILY: Your grandmother is to have an open-casket ceremony, displayed in all her glory, then is to be cremated and have her ashes divided in two — half to be buried with her husband in the family crypt, and the other half to be put in an urn and placed on our mantelpiece.
LORELAI: Half of Gran is going to be on your mantel forever.
EMILY: Staring at me, judging me, disapproving of me.
LORELAI: So apparently, it’s the top half.
EMILY: When I first found out, I almost had a coronary, but I’ve accepted it. From now on, it’s going to be a 3-person household — your father, me, and her urn.
LORELAI: You know, it’s so weird. I know so little about Gran. I mean, like, what was her maiden name?
LORELAI: No, no, her maiden name.
LORELAI: Wait. Y-you’re not saying –
EMILY: She and Charles were second cousins.
LORELAI: Ew! What?!
EMILY: Oh, don’t act so scandalized. It was not at all uncommon for prominent families to keep the bloodlines closed.
LORELAI: Keeping the bloodlines closed. Is that what we’re calling it?
EMILY: Well, what would you call it?
LORELAI: Oh, I don’t know. How about “Good morning, Appalachia, I got a mighty cute sister and an extra set of toes.”
EMILY: No one has any extra toes.
LORELAI: I have a double-jointed thumb.
LORELAI: Mom, we have to plan this funeral.
EMILY: Find a box, throw her in, we’re done!
EMILY: Better yet, throw the old harpy’s carcass in a ditch! Let a wolverine eat her.
RORY: What about the obituary?
LORELAI: The paper wrote something, but Dad thinks it’s not good enough, so I have to rewrite her death announcement. I should let Mom do it. I believe it would go, “yay.”