Writing a novel

Things you should never say to an Author #writing #amwriting #author #romance

tumblr_nippn8jDAk1qk4nn7o1_500Every so often I hear a phrase, whether it’s said to me or I see another author comment about what someone said to them on social media, that just makes me want to shake my head.

Of course, these people aren’t really privy to the reasons that their words bug us so much, seeing as they have no clue what we authors go through.

So to all you non-writers out there, here are some things you should never do in front of or say to any author . . .

And, of course, this post is meant to be funny . . . for the most part. *wink wink*

when you get a bad review“Can I just borrow this and bring it back to you?” asks while grabbing one of the copies of our books from our mantel

By all means go ahead and just read it for free. It’s no big deal. I mean, I don’t really need the royaltis to feed my children or pay my bills. It’s true that I spent all those years working my butt off just so people could read it for free so . . . Oh and by the way, how about you give me your paychecks for the next four years. Wait, you mean you wouldn’t do that? You wouldn’t work for free or for someone else to get the money? Then why do you expect me to?

giphy“I can’t wait to read it and then lend it to all my friends.”

Yes, because that’s what we want you to do LEND it, instead of just tell them how wonderful it is and they should buy it. Did I mention that I love working for free? Because if I haven’t, I will now.

“But I’m your friend. Can’t you just give me a copy?”

Uh, but I’m your friend. You can’t spend three freakin’ dollars to support me? Oh, and don’t mind me while I punch you in the face and kick our friendship to the curb.

loki_facepalm_by_foxedpeople-d56xo5a“Oh, I totally forgot about your book.” Laughs. “I still need to get a copy and read it.” says this more than a year after the novel released

Gee. Thanks. I guess. Oh, and don’t be surprised if I forget anything and everything that is ever important to you . . . like . . . say . . . your phone number or the fact that you exist.

“Aww, it’s great that you have a hobby.” or “It’s just a hobby, it’s not that important.”

Please excuse me while I leave the room and scream thousands of colorful metaphors into a pillow so I don’t “accidentally” stab you in the eye with a fork.

tumblr_inline_nanxyaJ6mh1s7b3jy“People love my blog, I could totally write a book.”

Yeah, because writing a blog is totally the same as flawlessly plotting a full length novel, creating amazing and noteworthy character and story arches, and perfecting details and dialogue. *eyeroll*

“I should write a book. I’ve got so many best sellers in my mind.”

Yes, because becoming the next J.K Rowling, Nicholas Sparks, or Stephanie Meyer happens every day and writing a best seller is just that easy. I guess I’m just doing something wrong.

“You write romance novels? Oh, so your stories are just nothing but smut.” scrunches nose like they just smelled something rotten. “You and 50 Shades of Grey are what’s wrong with the world.”

when you characters don't do as you askWell, thanks for lumping me in with all romance novels and stereotyping me all in the same comment. For the record, my stories are sweet and actually have a story to them, but I guess you’d know that if you bought the darn book.

“I hate to read.”

Huh. That’s odd. When you say “hate” I hear the words “slap me”. It’s so weird.

“Does your husband help you with those love scenes?”

Not that it’s any of your business, but no. But I do know how I’m going to kill off my next character that I’m going to base off of our friendship.

giphy“Oh, you should write this idea. You know, because it’s something that hasn’t been done before.” after hearing the idea, you can think of 20 novels just like it.

How about you take your stupid book idea and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

“Are you still trying to write?”

Trying? WTF … I’ve published 6 books. Yeah, I’m still trying.

“Oh, I could write a book, it would be easy.” insert stupid as hell title. or “One of these days I’m going to take a month off and write a book, too!”

grossEven Nicholas Sparks can’t write a book a month you idiot. First books take anywhere from 3-4 years and if you think you can do it faster because you’re special and that gifted . . . again it’s people like you who are filling Amazon with badly self-published books.

“You must be making a lot of money.” or “How much do you make, you must be rich.”

Well, since you all want to read my novels for free, then how could I be rich? I mean, I’m not making anything if you get it for free. But since you asked . . . wait, care to tell me how much you paychecks are? No? Well then don’t ask about mine.

How-to-Lose-a-Guy-in-10-Days-quotes-2“Well, since you’re a published writer, I can’t talk to you anymore because you’ll correct my grammar.”

Thanks for making the task of cutting you from my life that much easier.

And the best of all . . .

You have a friend who has been pretty supportive, but still makes hints about wanting to get your books for free. Because of their past support, you add them to your street team, thinking that this is a good way to keep them supporting you, but now you can really give them free books and what do they do?

They leave the street team.

??????

    

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Things you should never say to an Author #writing #amwriting #author #romance

  1. Okay, so here’s my ignorance showing. What’s a street team?

    Yeah, I’ve heard about half of these. The one I get that annoys me is, “Oh, you’re a writer? I have a great story that happened to me that you could write.” Or, “My life would be a great story for you to write.” I had a woman who worked at a local coffee shop talk to me (in Florida). When I told her what I did, she actually tried to enlist me to write a novel about her life.

    Uh-huh, because I have no idea what to write and I need your story to help me out.

    1. A street team is a group of people who help you promote your novels, whether it’s sharing your stuff on their social media, or some even request reviews and hand out promotional items for you.

      I love how everyone thinks that their life could be a book. No, sorry, 9 times out of 10 unless you are a celebrity or have done something huge to save lives or made a contribution to society that will change lives, no one wants to read about your life. Lol. I have heard friends say they should write about their lives when they’ve done nothing but live and work everyday in some po-dunk town. ?????

  2. You sound angry, I guess this happens a lot! I’m awkward and never know what to say to people but even I know not to tell authors my life story or tell them how much I love the library… oops.
    Thank you for stopping by my family/homeschool blog, homeschooledbykids. Feel free to write a book about it. (Just kidding, just kidding!)

    1. LOL. Hi Maria! A few of those have happened to me, but most have happened to other authors who I polled for the post. Honestly, the post was more meant to be funny than angry, but there are times when I just have to shake my head at things. Like the ones asking if my husband helps me. Really??? That’s what you (not you personally, but what I want to say to the person asking) want to know or think I’ll answer? LOL. P.s. I love libraries! 🙂 As a homeschooler, I know the value of them, lots of books for the kids, plus a reason to get out of the house once a week.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s