“Do you ever feel you’ve become the worst version of yourself?”
No? I guess it must be just me then.
About a month ago, I woke up one morning and I just knew I needed to “RESET MYSELF”. I’d had a pretty stressful and hurtful week before, and I knew that if I didn’t change not only my outlook on certain situations, but also on how I spend my writing time, I was headed down a slippery slope toward hanging up my career.
Yes, you read that right. I was thinking about saying good-bye to my novels, both past and future, and quitting.
Suddenly, writing and being an author just didn’t seem worth all the frustration and hurt feelings I’ve faced over the years, and my mind traveled toward the idea of not writing anymore novels, taking the already published ones off the market, and walking away without ever looking back.
What could possibly make a writer quit? Especially, this writer who loves it so much?
Lots of things, actually, and they all had stacked themselves into this mile high wall that I hit with a devastating crash going about 200mph without a seatbelt on in the matter of just a couple of days.
As I laid in bed the next morning, thinking about what had happened, I realized that in preparing for a novel release, all the editing and reading it time and time again, then gearing up for the release and hosting the party, and then sending out reviews and doing all sorts of other promotion, including hosting other authors, joining and participating in several blog hops (which after June, I’m taking a few months off from doing), and spending every extra minute on social media, not only took the wind out of my sails when it comes to my writing, but it turned me into someone I didn’t know.
Basically, I lost the answer to the question: “Why did I start writing?”
Like POOF everything in and about me just suddenly vanished.
I got sucked into a world focused around how many sales I’ve made, or a lack thereof, and how my novel was doing against other novels. Novels that weren’t even in my genre. It wasn’t just about the joy of getting this novel on the market so that people could enjoy it anymore. Nor was it about sharing Ava and Craig’s story. It was all about numbers and who didn’t share my wonderful news and who acted as though they didn’t even care.
I knew then that it was time to get back to the author I was before I was taken over by this “release demon”. I needed to wade through this cloud and once again dwell in the joy of writing and the utter blissful feeling that comes when I stretch my mind and fingers.
While I thought of this, I also realized that I hadn’t written a blog post in months. Instead, I relied on announcements for RONE, teasers from my new release, blog hops, and guest posts to fill the space every Monday and Friday. I didn’t write any opinion pieces on writing or farming or homeschooling or on being a mom. I didn’t share any recipes. I did nothing. Nothing.
Drat this demon!
So it is with this that I have now reset myself.
While I still desire to publish my novels, slowing down and getting back to actually using my craft for something other than promotion (marketing–the death of me I swear), is exactly what I need to do.
I know this now, and now it’s time to put that plan into place.
Once again, I’ve taken a step back from social media (with the exception of this blog, and the blogs I follow, which I’m going to focus more time on, and I’m turning all my attention to this website and my next project—a book that I’m really looking forward to because it’s unlike anything that I’ve done before. To heck with the unsupportive people, to heck with feeling like I never have time for anything other than marketing, to heck with anything that takes me away from that “newbie” feeling I had before my debut novel was published.
I’m getting back to my roots.
So darling followers, have you ever needed to “reset yourself”? How did you do it? And did you find that it helped?