For this month’s Wednesday Blessing, I’m reflecting on time.
In the last several months, I’ve grown accustomed to one thing: sitting in front of my computer for more hours of the day than I wanted.
I supposed wanted is the wrong word, because in all honesty, wanted implies that I had no choice in the matter. Like I was forced. Or at least that’s how it sounds as written in that sentence.
But the fact of the matter is that I did have a choice. And I chose to sit in front of that computer. I chose to log in the countless hours as I looked up review and promotional sites, perused Facebook (ah, Facebook, the unequivocal definition of the slang term: “time suck”), retweeted tweets, and just generally worked on this career I call “Author”.
Of course, I’m not saying this as a bad thing as one should be passionate and willing to work hard for their career, their path in life, and the very essence of what keeps them sane. I believed this, too. Well, in a way.
“I’m so busy. I have all this work.” I spew these words I don’t know how many times a day.
I say this to my friends when they call or text. I say this to myself when I look in the mirror and try to justify the haggard stranger staring back at me. I say this to my parents when they call and I pass the phone to my kids. I say this to my husband when he asks if I want to watch a movie. I say this to my kids when they look up at me with those little eyes and sad faces because all they really want is for me to run around the house and enjoy the day with them.
And it’s with those words, that I, without conscious, have shoved all the important parts of my life into the backseat, barely buckling them up before I drive off down the highway at full speed, zipping through traffic as though I’m driving a Ferrari instead of the huge behemoth vehicle I’m actually in.
In the last few weeks, I’ve taken a step back and had some serious reflection on a lot of things. One of them is this very problem, and after finally slamming on the breaks for once, it was in this moment that I realized, I don’t have to be busy.
*Gasp* What was that I just said?
I don’t have to be busy.
Or at least not this busy. I can take a step back. I can slow down.
And I have.
I’ve cut my promotion time. I’ve cut my writing time. I’ve cut needless work on things that I’ve been holding on to for I don’t know what reason, and I’ve shut off my computer for most of the day the last few weeks.
It’s been amazing. And I’m enjoying so much of what I’ve been missing for the last few years while I was living with this belief that I had to do all this work in order to become an author.