For those who don’t know, in December of 2015, I had a hysterectomy. First and foremost, I know the controversy that follows such a procedure. I’ve read articles from that group of people who are against them. How they believe that women should just live with the pain for the sake of keeping their body part.
Live with the pain. We should just live with the pain. *eyeroll*
I don’t regret my choice for my surgery. In fact, it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made. I have my life back. I have my body back. I have ME back.
But back to my point . . .
Up until a few weeks ago I was apart of a Facebook support group for women who’ve had a hysterectomy. When I joined this group, everything was fine and great, all the women were helpful and full of kindness and support.
One woman who had a hysterectomy before she was able to have a child posted a big rant, attacking another woman for asking how long she should have her parents stay with her to help her with her small children. The attacker screamed and yelled in all CAPS about how since she couldn’t have children, she was offended by all the posts from women that mentioned their children. How dare we talk about children around her!
After this one woman’s rant, I noticed that the rules for the group began to change. Women were no longer allowed to post about children or even mention them without having a “warning” first in the post.
Okay, I can understand that. I can live with that. I know children or a lack thereof could be a hot topic.
But then it happened again and again and again. And with every whining rant, more and more rules were placed upon what you could post, until it felt like no one could post anything without the worry if they were “following the rules.” You could almost feel the tension from the computer screen.
It got so bad that finally, I just walked away and left the group.
In leaving that group, I started doing some digging around on the subject. Digging that opened my eyes up to a very real problem.
While the loss of the ability to have a child is heartbreaking, there is another side to this coin. A side that gets pushed under the rug because for the simple fact that it could offend someone. It’s not spoken about in articles or allowed in posts in any support groups.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand the pain. I understand that it must be utterly devastating for women to deal with such a loss. My heart goes out to them. I respect their sorrow and I wish I could help them through it in some way, even the people I don’t know.
With that said, what is this other side?
The women who are happy that they won’t ever have to worry about another pregnancy ever again. The women who were done with having children and don’t want any more.
They don’t WANT anymore? *GASP* But that’s just . . . just wrong, isn’t it?
Why? Why is it wrong?
A woman should be able to say she is done with having kids just as much as a woman should be able to say she’s not done. Period. End of story. And if you are one of those women who doesn’t want any more children, you shouldn’t be ashamed to say it.
I am one of those women.
I love my children to the moon and back and believe me when I say my life wouldn’t be complete without them. But just because I love them that much, doesn’t mean I want or should want to have any more.
I’m done having children.
There. I said it.
And I think that saying it should be totally fine. I don’t think it should discount me for needing, wanting, or getting support and I don’t think saying that should void my ability to express an opinion, or ask a question, or post about my experience in case it might help another who is like me.
We are all living different lives and we all need help in different ways. Why stifle anyone from helping another? This culture of “I’m offended so you need to hush up” needs to stop.