It’s a little after one o’clock in the morning and I’m awake. I don’t want to be awake, but desire and reality sometimes never really go hand in hand. Or at least that’s how I feel, at times. So why am I awake? Good question, and one that doesn’t really have a simple answer. Well I suppose it does: because I can’t turn off my mind.
Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t get back to sleep, the only thing I can do is get up and do something. Usually, within fifteen minutes, sleep beckons and I obey, but tonight is different. Tonight, instead of just perusing Facebook or playing a quick iPad game, I logged into my email, and inside I found an update for a blog I follow. It’s a book review for a historical fiction, just the kind I read the most because that is my genre. So of course, I begin reading and clicking and reading and clicking and reading and clicking and suddenly, I’m on Amazon.
And that’s where the problem lies–with the reviews.
I can’t help but wonder about what is going to be said by people reviewing my novel. For some reason, whenever I read the reviews of another book I become very insecure of my own writing. Doubt rears its ugly head in my ability and my story. I begin thinking it was a big ole’ waste of time, some ridiculous quest, and impudent notion. What was I even thinking trying to write a novel? Why in the world did I think I could even do it? It’s awful and I hate it.
As exciting as it is to look forward to being published, it’s equally scary. At least, for me, it is. I know that I will never, no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I work, no matter how I write my story, I will not please everyone. It’s impossible to do so. But the thought of seeing in black and white print horrible words about my work, plot, and characters is just really freaking me out. And, this feeling is only made worse by the fact that my readers are going to include my family and friends.
I guess, though, there’s no backing out now. LOL. The book hits the open market in a week and a half. All I can do is just grin and bear the bad with, hopefully, the good. Maybe, I should just reside in not ever looking at the reviews. Yeah, I know that’s not going to happen. I’m a bit of a nosy person when it comes to things like that. 😉