I blinked a few times, trying to comprehend whether I had actually heard my doctor correctly or not. She stared at a speechless me for a few seconds and then repeated herself. I suppose the expression on my face told her I needed to hear her words again. Though, in reality I didn’t. I just needed to process them.
At 35 weeks, I’m already dilating and it’s not good. Certainly, the longer a baby stays in the better, but my doctor is at least wanting 36 weeks. One would think 7 days wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but apparently, it is. So there I was, stuck at home, and in bed until all last week. Super.
While every mother’s dream would be to stay home with her kids, and the thought of another child in day-care is suffocating to me at times, I know I have to work to help support my family. And because of this knowledge I value my job. Taking the rest of the week off has been a hard pill to swallow. I’ve never wanted to feel like I was letting anyone down or that I was a useless employee that needs a lot of time off and shouldn’t be kept around. I try to work hard at my job, though lately my brain hasn’t been working on all thrusters if you know what I mean. But, that aside, I still want to give everything I have until I leave for maternity leave. I want things to get done, I want to train the lady who will fill in for me so she is able to get through each day without feeling overwhelmed. And most importantly, I want to earn what I have been given.
With nothing to do though but stay home, I might as well make the most of it. Right?
Certainly, I rested as I needed to. But…..part of me wondered if I rested a little too much. With all the writing time ahead of me, did I get a lot done on the revisions for the manuscript? That would be a big, fat, NOPE. Why? Why? Why? Out of the hours and hours that I had, did I hardly get any writing done?
Being insanely stuck on a chapter because I’m changing a character’s arch is not an excuse. Perhaps, it could be a reason, but it certainly isn’t an excuse. And yet, I used that pony for two days. Yes, I was able to finish my entry (the first two revised chapters of the manuscript and a revised synopsis) for the Oklahoma City Writers contest. But as for churning out chapter after chapter this week, I have to say, sadly, that I failed.
While I want to be annoyed with myself, I can’t be. I have a lot going on and for someone to take it all in AND have the brain power to revise a novel is probably a bit too much to ask. So, with what progress I have made, I am happy. My goal for September was to revise, for what I pray is the last time, four chapters. Currently, I’m still on track to make my goal if I just keep working at it. The turtle might not cross the finish line first, but she still will cross it…or at least this turtle will…though, I might be waddling when I do it. 🙂